Signs of Pending Marital Disaster!!!!!

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Do you find yourself frustrated with your marriage, trying to make changes, only to find you are right back into the same old pattern?

Do you or your spouse frequently think about getting out of the marriage?

Are you and your spouse frequently engaged in an argument, often about nothing of importance, and find that there are rarely solutions?

Do you find yourself shocked that you were ever attracted to someone so different? Or conversely, do you think the big problem is that you are just too much alike for it to work?

Do you frequently find yourself feeling either unloved or disrespected?

Do you wonder how or if this crazy cycle can ever be ended?

Would you love to find a solution to these problems that would move your relationship to a healthy, Godly place?

Divorce and broken marriages is not God’s plan. God’s plan was for marriage to be a lifetime. As I’m sure you have heard often, in Genesis 2:24, God tells us that “for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. And the two people will become one body.” When we become one body, it is a forever thing.

Where is your relationship? Is it where you want it to be? Is it where your spouse wants it to be? Is it where God wants it to be?

Are you ready to have a different marriage? Are you ready to take the pieces God has given you and put them together in ways that God would want? God does not want division and pain, but love and support in your family.

Can Love Be Rekindled in a Marriage When All Seems Lost?

By Clay Peters

One of the saddest things in life to witness is the breakup of a marriage. To see something which started out so beautifully and so full of promise, wither and die is a tragedy not only for the couple but those close to them. When a marriage hits a hurdle, does it always have to end in divorce or can love be rekindled and the marriage saved?

A close friend of mine was in that exact same position a few years back and his marriage looked doomed and ready to head to the divorce courts. I spoke with him at the time and he was adamant that he did not want his marriage to end. So rather than call it quits and walk away, he learnt how to fall in love again and if you ask him today "can love be rekindled," his answer would unequivocally be yes.

On the other hand, another friend of mine was granted his divorce last week. It was a bitter sweet experience - he was glad that the divorce was through but really sad that his marriage ended that way. He would much rather have been able to make his marriage work but unfortunately, that was impossible in his case.

Can love be rekindled in a marriage even when all seems lost? Yes, it certainly can in the majority of cases. If you are asking this question, then I feel for you as obviously, you are going through a tough time at the moment. There is no better time than now to start the process of falling in love again. The first step is for the both of you to get together and have a serious heart to heart session to try and figure out what is wrong in your marriage. Be honest with each other and agree to have this session without either of you getting uptight or angry. Your aim is to learn how to fall in love again and to do this; you must identify any obstacles in your way. Once you have cleared the air, list what the issues are even to the extent of writing them down. Once you both agree that these are your problems, work together to find solutions. By doing this together, you will both appreciate each other's feelings and will be more inclined to make the necessary changes to make your marriage better.

Once you have done this and know what you need to do to make each other happy, get ready to start loving each other again. Make some romantic time for just the two of you like a movie, dinner or even better, a night or two away for a romantic interlude.

Can love be rekindled in your marriage? It will, if you work with each other and commit to making changes to ensure that your marriage is full of love, respect and understanding.

You will be amazed to learn that when some couples hit tough times in their marriage, they make basic mistakes which makes it even harder for them to fix their marriage. If you are asking Can love be rekindled and want to avoid these basic mistakes, then you must learn to make changes in your marriage. Find out what else you should be doing to fix your marriage right here - Http://www.CupidsInLoveAgain.info.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Clay_Peters

Should Married Couples Use Pornography?

On occasion a person will explain that he and his wife watch pornography together to sexually arouse one another. He vigorously defends his position. Because we at Family Dynamics Institute believe this is a damaging practice to marriages, the person will ask why we are so against what he so enjoys.

Watching pornography usually desensitizes the viewer to his or her own spouse.

Porn stars are young, agile, and “super-sized.” Once captured on film, they never grow old. They gain no weight, develop no wrinkles, and lose no muscle tone. They can get in sexual positions only an experienced contortionist would find possible and seemingly enjoy whatever the other wants to do with or to them. Very few spouses can complete with such a fantasy at any age, but once past 30, the spouse begins to fade quickly in comparison. Fill your mind with such fantasies and eventually, arousal by your own spouse becomes difficult. As a result, the person you should love, adore, and be aroused by becomes an aging, imperfect, “has been” of a lover. The ultimate conclusion to such logic involves seeking another young person to enjoy. All too often, men make such a jump. Women are beginning to make this leap as well in increasing numbers.

Pornography usually decimates the self-esteem of your spouse.

More often than not, the husband uses pornography to arouse himself once his wife fails to meet this need due to his sexual desensitization. In most cases, the wife endures the pornography to please her husband. Many wives, however, are crushed that their husbands no longer look at them with desire. They wonder what is wrong with them that they can no longer excite their husbands. The self-esteem issues that arise can and often do decimate a wife’s sense of self-esteem. No caring husband will ever want to do this to his wife.

Could the roles be reversed? Anything is possible in life! While a man might initially think he had the wife every man longs for, the ultimate loss of self-esteem in a man would be just as devastating - if not more so – should his wife only be able to become aroused by watching porn, not by being with him.

Pornography often causes the viewer to sin.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Can a woman watching porn avoid sinning? If she finds the porn degrading or disgusting in some way to her but watches it with her husband at his request, perhaps she doesn’t sin. On the other hand, maybe she sins anyway. If she thinks watching porn in any context is sin and does it anyway just to please her husband, then for her, it is sin. (Romans 14:14) Or, if watching porn defiles her mind, she leaves the door to her heart open to sin.

Anyone who watches porn to become aroused, however, observes it in order to lust. An argument might be made that the person is not lusting for the porn start, but for his or her own spouse. If this is the case, however, what is the point of the porn star? If such cases, the person addicted to porn probably needs professional help, whether or not he or she brought the addiction into the marriage.

Consequently, in answer to the question of married couples using pornography to spice up their sex lives, our recommendation at Family Dynamics Institute is to avoid pornography and learn to enjoy your spouse instead, as God intended.

If you or someone you know is having trouble in their marriage you may want to learn more about the A New Beginning workshop, presented by Family Dynamics Institute.

Have Quality Time in Your Marriage

By Sheri & Bob Stritof

Don't let your job or the kids or volunteer work or time with friends and extended family interfere with your marriage.

Many couples today find that being married doesn't guarantee that they will have quality time with one another. If you are both busy, you have to plan to spend time together. Here are some ideas.

Here's How:

1. Schedule a weekend just for the two of you. Write it on your calendar, put it on your computer planner, etc. Don't change it for any other event. You don't have to go anywhere.
2. Have lunch together once a week. On nice days, meet in a park.
3. Let your children know that you two need time alone together. Tell them they can knock on your closed bedroom door only if there is blood.
4. Walk around the block together.
5. Do chores together like the dishes or weeding. It may not sound like quality time, but it can be.
6. When you are running errands together, turn off the radio or CD player in the car and talk with one another.
7. Take showers together.
8. Spend 20 minutes a day in daily dialogue.
9. Arrange for a quiet evening at home alone once a month.
10. Hire a babysitter to watch the kids for a couple hours even though you are home. This works wonders!
11. Work out a deal with another couple to have them watch your kids overnight so you can have a romantic evening alone ... then you watch their children for them.
12. Schedule dates with one another. Having an evening or afternoon out together twice a month is a good beginning.
13. Volunteer to be a presenting couple on Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille or Engaged Encounter weekends.
14. When you travel together, don't take work on the plane or road trip. Spend that time talking with each other.
15. Have a one night stand with each other.

Tips:

1. Bottom line: if you don't schedule time for one another, you won't have the time.

What You Need:

* Commitment
* A Calendar

Having a Good Laugh - The Importance of Humor in Your Marriage

By Sheri & Bob Stritof

The answers to the question about whether or not humor and laughter belong in a relationship are:

* Definitely
* Of course
* Sure
* Yes
* Certainly

It is important to have balance in your marriage relationship when it comes to humor and joking.

Without the realization that humor and laughter can create pain, you could hurt your spouse, and your marriage.
Advantages of Laughter and Humor in Your Marriage
Aside from releasing endorphins in the brain that are energizing and good for you, laughter has other advantages in your marriage relationship.

* Laughter is a natural part of your marriage relationship.

* Laughter reduces the distress either of you could be feeling.

* Laughter can add to the quality of your marriage.

* Laughter can help you both be more productive.

* Many relationship experts advise couples to keep a sense of humor when having an argument.

Boundaries for Humor and Laughter in Your Marriage
Just as much as humor and laughter can enhance your marriage, they can hurt your marriage.

The following boundaries need to be set:

* Humor should be clean. Off-color humor can often bother your spouse. Although you know your spouse well, you could still be offensive.

* Humor should not attack or be malicious. Making a joke of your spouse's appearance or a physical flaw is not really funny. Don't do it.

* Humor should be balanced. Too many practical jokes, too many gag gifts, too much horseplay, too many witty remarks, too many funny stories, too many off-color jokes, too many blonde or brunette jokes, etc. can all become counter-productive.

* Every relationship needs to have fun and laugh, but every relationship also needs to have its time of real, down to earth, serious conversation.

So make some time to have some healthy laughter in your marriage today!

The Importance of Compliments in Your Marriage It's Not That Hard - Once a Day - Say Something Nice

By Sheri & Bob Stritof, About.com

Make sure that you sincerely compliment your spouse at least once every day. Look for things you can comment on that you haven't mentioned before.
Impact of Compliments on Your Marriage
When you give sincere encouragement and compliments to your spouse, several things are accomplished.

* Your spouse's self-confidence is increased.
* Your own self-worth is increased.
* The friendship between the two of you is strengthened.

The Difference Between Flattery and Compliments
It is important that your compliments are sincere and honest. When they are not, your comments turn into flattery which is untrue or insincere praise. Flattery is usually received with negativity and is often perceived as being manipulative.
Quotes About Compliments and Marriage
Steve Goodier: "Sincere compliments cost nothing and can accomplish so much. In ANY relationship, they are the applause that refreshes."
Source: Steve Goodier, Prescription for Peace.

Les and Leslie Parrott: "The most important element of romantic passion for both husbands and wives is to feel special. Not only do they want to feel sexually attractive to their mates, but they want to know they are appreciated. Compliments feel good--both to give and to receive. So, to paraphrase a James Taylor song, 'Shower the person you love with compliments.'"
Source: Les and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts


Gary and Barbara Rosberg: "Mark Twain once said, 'I can live a whole month on one compliment.' Just think about the life we can bring to a marriage with an ever flowing stream of affirmation. Hearty affirmation is a key ingredient in unconditional love. It's like a magnet: It draws us in; it attracts us."
Source: Gary and Barbara Rosberg, The 5 Love Needs of Men & Women


Richard Carlson: "The power of a compliment or a few kind, sexy words can be overwhelming! Think back to all of the things that you used to say to your sweetheart when you were dating."
Source: Richard Carlson, The Don't Sweat Guide for Newlyweds: Finding What Matters Most in the First Year

Be a Supportive Spouse - Ways to Support One Another

By Sheri & Bob Stritof, About.com

Being a supportive spouse can be both a rewarding and a difficult role. Although the dictionary definition is quite clear, living out being supportive in your marriage isn't always so well defined. For most couples the most important aspect of being supportive is being a loving presence in your spouse's life.
Definition
If you look for a dictionary definition of being supportive, you will find phrases like "being an advocate", "providing for", "strengthening", "to keep from weakening or failing", "bearing the weight", and "keeping from falling, sinking, slipping."

That's quite a responsibility for any one to take on. The sense of responsibility grows even greater when a spouse is weighed down by problems with job, family, kids, health, or social obligations or is coping with feelings of loss, disappointment, and fear.
Ways to be Supportive

* Respect your spouse's personal decisions.

* Show that you have faith in your mate.

* Be the shoulder to lean on when your spouse has a sinking feeling.

* Work together with your spouse to maintain balance in your life together.

* Don't be threatened by your spouse's accomplishments. Tell people, especially your partner, how proud you are of his/her talents and skills.

* In wanting to help your spouse to rebound from a difficult situation, don't try to solve your partner's problem.

* Listen well so that your spouse knows you are wanting to understand the issue or situation troubling your mate.

* Be realistic as you encourage your spouse. Don't exaggerate.

How to Spice Up Your Love Life with Communication

Author: Emily Gray

So you want to spice up your love life, but are maybe not quite sure where to start. You need some ideas and tips to get you going. Ideas are easy to find, especially if you are creative. When you start looking around you, you’ll see ideas all over the place! Let’s start with a very basic skill that you will need to fine tune to spice up your love life. It is communication. Relationships are built on communication. Without it, you cannot build a healthy and vibrant relationship. Whether it’s verbal or non-verbal, communication is the life-blood of any relationship. So what kind of communication do you need to spice up your love life? You need to open a dialogue with your partner so that you can both talk about what you want and like. If you have not been communicating well up to this point, then this may take a bit of time to develop this dialogue. You both need to be comfortable and trust each other enough to share what you really want. Once you are able to open this kind of dialogue, you will then get the chance to find out what your partner wants. This is just as important as what you want, so be sure to develop the skill of listening, as well - then you will really hear what it is they want! You will also get your turn to share what you want and like. Be as specific as possible. If there is something in particular that you want to try, tell them what it is. If there is something that you really like it when they do it, then tell them about it and let them know you would like more. From here, your dialogue can develop and grow. As you both learn to listen, and learn how to communicate what you really feel and want, you’ll find the intimacy deepening and your relationship will start to be more of an adventure. Learning how to spice up your love life is a process that needs to involve both of you, but you will likely be the one to get things started. Take it slow if you need to and really build a good foundation of communication and intimacy to launch from. Once you have established a good dialogue with your partner, and you are both comfortable talking to each other about what you want, then you can take your communication to a new level. Now that you have that foundation, you can start to experiment with some dirty talk, discussing fantasies, and of course some serious flirting! What better way to spice up your love life? If you want to know more about how to communicate to spice up your love life, sign up for this FREE 5 day e-course on how to communicate for Passion!

About the Author:
Emily Gray is a romance expert with Romantic-Couples-Games.com and enjoys helping couples spice up their relationship and spark their romance. She is a regular contributor to both the website and eZine, as well as the author of various resources and games.

Sisters.....10 Wonderful Ways to Express Your Love to Him - Part 1 (Take a Look)

Okay, yeah I know us brothers at times may have slighted you in the area of expressing our love creatively, but there is always more than one approach to getting what u want right. So I solicit to you that one way of sparking the expression of Love u desire in your life, and home is to be the initiator of such unselfish giving. You'll be surprised how much of an impact it will have in changing your life and bringing about the change you desire in your relationship. These are real simple, yet effective ways to make a difference. Give em a try.

1. After you use his car, fill the tank with gasoline.

2. Watch Him Work Out with Weights

3. Learn as much as you can about His Work

4. Make a tape recorded Love Letter for him

5. Fight the urge to call Him ten times a day...and win!

6. Leave his razors and tools alone

7. Decide that if he does a portion of the household chores that you
will not criticize the way he does them

8. Do not assume that all men are handy with tools. Do not expect him
to be able to do everything your father could. His father may have never
taught him how.

9. Purpose not to brag about your rich or smart relatives.

10. Never talk derogatorily or in bitterness to your children about your husband.

There are so much more that can be shared, just as you may have things you desire. In this quest to grow and to enjoy better marriages and relationships, I believe one of the most significant keys to it's success is unselfish giving to one another. That is all this is. Be willing to try and expect results. It's normally the small things that make the difference. Have fun and Enjoy.

Sisters...10 More Ways to Express Your Love to Him......Part II (Try 'em out...)

Here are a few more ways to share your love for your Mate and to stimulate your relationship thru unselfish giving. Take a look and give them a try if the apply. You may find that what you've been wishing for in your marriage, may just start with the change you make. God Bless you and your marriage.

11. Bake a special dessert for him to showoff and share at work

12. Never open His mail

13. Actually say what you mean, so that He can respond accordingly.

14. Get up when He does in the morning. Try to look pretty, comb your hair and
wear a nice robe.

15. Discourage Lengthy Visits by Relatives

16. Ask His Mother for the recipe, to make his favorite dessert.

17. Once in a while, spray the bed sheets with perfume

18. Never, Never say I told you so

19. Smell Good, when He comes home from work.

20. Do not openly correct him aloud while out at dinner with friends or family.

How to Save The Marriage - What to Do For Saving A Marriage

It's sad for a marriage to end - marriages aren't meant to end, they are meant to unify two people until eternity. It's bad enough for a marriage to end - but it's even worse when you're the spouse who does not want it to end - the spouse trying to save the marriage.

From the moment when my husband lost interest in me and said he wanted a divorce - I know that feeling perfectly. He lost interest in me and stopped caring about me completely. I cried, I cried a lot.

Then, what should be done to save the marriage? In those situations, there are things you should definitely avoid from doing at all costs. Here it comes: Never try to make up methods on how to save the marriage by yourself. This is clear enough - your marriage is heading for the end, you are desperate - can you really come up with some really good methods on how to save the marriage?

I didn't realize that until much later, as a matter of fact. By that time I had thought of some so-called methods to save the marriage. What were they?

* Let me cry and he will understand how I love him and how much I loved him!
* Let me beg to him, so he will agree not to end the marriage out of pity!

Who actually thinks doing those can save the marriage?

As I experienced, what you should do in that situation is to immediately stop acting according to your instincts and asking for outside help. Actually you're doing that right now, so it's a good sign that you will save your marriage!